Growing up the only girl child in a house full of boys was rough. Black Rambo was strict in every sense of the word! I wasn’t allowed to play football, and climb trees (you know all the fun stuff) that my brothers did. Leaving the house and going “out” without supervision was unheard of! However, there was one time I remember being able to do so. I was free to leave the house and go out with no chaperone. This was HUGE for me, and that is what makes part of this memory so special. I went to the movies with my BFF. To this day, I don’t remember what movie we went to see. After the movie was over, we were walking from the theater. About 100 ft ahead, I can clearly see my father. He is not alone. He is with another woman, and they had a kid with them. The way they walked together was in a way that let me know they were “familiar.” They walked and talked and hugged and laughed. His back was to me the entire time. He had no idea of my presence, but my view was crystal clear. I could not believe my eyes! What was going on here? My brain was being bombarded with a million and one questions. My first reaction was to approach him and ask who these people were. I took a few steps in his direction. Then, I remembered just who I was dealing with. Did I really want to confront Black Rambo about his extramarital affair? Having thought better about it, I chose retreat instead. Feeling as though I’d just had the wind knocked out of me, I quickly made my way to the nearest restroom to regroup. My body was hot and my head was spinning. Upon entry, I was flooded with emotion. My body shook. I sobbed uncontrollably as I ran the full gambit of emotion.

SHOCK- What did I just see?!? What is he doing here? Who was that woman? Who was that kid? Was that his kid?

SADNESS- He is a married man. What about Mom? How could he be cheating on her? What is going to happen to us? What does this all mean?

ANGER- Who does he think he is? You come home and treat us like straight garbage, but these two get to live the good life? I don’t remember Black Rambo having EVER taken me to the movies. I just recall him coming home in a foul mood and beating everything in the house-from Mama on down to the dog- because he had a bad day. But you got energy to take these two out on a date? IN THE SAME CITY WHERE WE LIVE NO LESS?!? THE AUDACITY!

By the time I was done, one thing was clear. I was going home to tell my mama! Suddenly I was once again aware of my surroundings. My BFF was asking, “Are you ok.” She must have said it a few times before it actually sunk in. She repeated, “Are you ok? What are you going to do?” She was genuinely concerned. She probably had just as many questions as I did, but I just wanted go home.

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  170. First of all I would like to say great blog! I had a quick question which I’d like to ask if you do not mind. I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear your head before writing. I have had a hard time clearing my mind in getting my ideas out there. I truly do take pleasure in writing but it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or tips? Many thanks!|

    • Hi Leesa,

      Make a day out of it. Turn on some music, light some candles, take a long bath-whatever makes you blissful. Write down what comes to you. Don’t worry about order or grammar or anything. Just write. You can always edit later 🙂

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